it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Randomize
