that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Randomize
