im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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