so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
