Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
