It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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