I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
