why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
