But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
