judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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