U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
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