Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Randomize
