i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
