It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
