She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
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