im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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