you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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