you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
