i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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