she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
