She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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