1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Randomize
