A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize