??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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