I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
