Having a random hookup so left but love u
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
