lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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