im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Randomize
