I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize