Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
