Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
