so explain again why im purple
no
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
