Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
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