I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
