i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Randomize
