So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
