I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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