i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
