he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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