He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
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