I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Randomize
