I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
stop calling my apartment porn island.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
