jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Ketchup is God's man juice
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
