True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
