I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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