he wants to bone in the snuggie
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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