how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
