Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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