does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
