and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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