just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
