i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
