My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
