I'll bet she douches with gravy.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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