I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
