Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
