he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
