Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
