I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I love you.
Bad choice
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
