Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
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