There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
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