I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
