i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize