Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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