We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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