I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
