i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
